StoRIES: On Motherhood and Facing My House Swapping Fears

This is part of our StoRIES series about why we travel and the messy revelations or contradictions along the way. 

The first time my husband suggested we try house swapping, my reaction was a mix of, “are you kidding me? / ABSOLUTELY NOT / do we need to go to couple’s therapy?” 

I’d spent years traveling for work and pleasure, spending hours researching hotel amenities and room types to make sure my stay was exactly what I wanted: private, comfortable and aesthetically aligned. To me, house swapping was the antithesis of the curated experience. I’m not sure what exactly I was afraid of, but fear was front and center when I thought of opening my home to strangers or trying to be comfortable in someone else’s lived-in space. 

Michael and Mateya making breakfast in the south of France

Six years and 40-something house swaps later, it has become my preferred way to travel and matured my travel sensibilities in unexpected ways. We’ve swapped in Mexico City, St. Kitts & Nevis, Greece, San Francisco, Vermont, Sedona, Panama, Berlin and more. And as a new mom, I’ve discovered it’s the key to traveling with young kids.

 One of our apartments in Paris.

We recently celebrated our daughter’s first birthday with a trip to France. We spent three weeks in four different homes around the country. 

So. Much. Luggage.

There are things we brought with us that made traveling with a now-toddler easier, but it’s the things we didn’t have to bring by house-swapping with families who have similar-aged kids that made the biggest difference. A high chair, a crib, sound machines, blackout curtains, baby plateware, toys and changing tables. 

 Celebrating Teya’s first birthday in a stranger’s living room.

Here’s how I make the most of house swapping and what kept me sane while traveling with a one-year-old:

While new house swapping sites have popped up in the past few years, I’m loyal to Home Exchange. The platform works like this: list your home and, instead of paying cash, trade stays with other members using a points-based system called GuestPoints. You earn points by hosting others then spend them to stay in other members' homes. A simultaneous swap isn't required. Reviews and response times are transparent when you’re searching. And since the photos aren’t done by a professional marketing agency, you get a real sense of a place.     

Our view from the 17th.

You can filter your searches, and this is really where the baby-friendliness of it all comes in: you can include in your search whether the host has a crib or toddler bed and other baby gear. 

The Stokke high-chair is as ubiquitous in France as it is in Brooklyn.

The crux of the difference is that you are interacting with real people who also foster a love of travel. Real people who are willing to open their home and host you in their space. I recently heard someone posit that we’re living in a low trust environment. House swapping turns that on its head. For me, it has fostered a new and deepened trust in strangers. Maybe that was the source of my fear: strangers and sharing. Call it “American” or a product of our current times, but such an intimate interaction and the mine-ness of modern living made the thought of the swapping experience feel ghastly or impossible. 

The view from “Teya’s Room.”

In a world of consumption, using ‘points’ and by-passing the money economy feels radical. It’s refreshing to share resources and expand our community. (I realize I say this as a business owner who sells things for money, but humans are complicated and can hold competing ideas!!) 

 Borrowing our hosts’ bikes for her first bike ride!

We often end up staying in neighborhoods, towns or cities that weren’t on our radar. We discovered Tepoztlán because we wanted to explore outside Mexico City and someone had availability the week we booked our flights (and thus discovered the heirloom Ayocote bean in the local market.) We stayed in the 17th arrondissement in Paris instead of busier areas and it perfectly suited our family-oriented needs. I noted the Ottolenghi cookbooks and Opinel #8 knives in every kitchen during our France trip. 

Discovering local pottery.

There are ways in which you see the similarities or the cultural variations. The warmth and excitement of realizing you’ve shared intimately – successfully! – with strangers is a high I keep returning to.

The local playgrounds were divine for a toddler.

I’ll never fully eschew hotels (I love a spa! And a hotel bed! And room service!) but house swapping has introduced a new level of communal sharing, personal responsibility and openness that align with the virtues I hope my daughter embodies. Raising a person is hard. Bringing a toddler on a plane is hard. But as they say, sharing is caring. And after a month in France and the blessing of celebrating a first birthday, I feel deeply cared for. 

Watching the baby monitor + the daily apertivo. 

 

This is part of our StoRIES series about why we travel and the messy revelations or contradictions along the way. Have a story you want to tell? Email us your submission at partnerships@ries-ries.com.